NEW PERSPECTIVES ON QUARRELS AND DISAGREEMENTS AT WORK!

“He has still not answered my email”, “She again criticized my idea during the conference call”, “Why I am not invited to this meeting?”…  Often, our emotions will ride very high, very quickly: sadness, fear, angriness, hatred and grudge.

What happens then? Generally, we react while stilling being submerged by emotions (often not felt consciously): the angry reply with n+1 and n+2 in copy, withholding information, cutting communication, even wishing to quit one’s job or a bit of “sabotage”… Good bye efficacy, productivity and professionalism…

Why? Because when things happen that we don’t like, we have difficulties to ACCEPT WHAT IS. We wish to live in OUR (imaginary) world, not in THE world – simply, because that would be more comfortable. Bad news, however, that does not really work…

YourWorld-TheWorld_5Sep2018

 

We are angry, “because the situation is not how I wished it to be, how I hoped it would be…” My grand ego tells me stories like “that she is not supposed to treat me like that” or “that my boss didn’t show any respect to my work”… Even though, it is actually totally useless to think or say “he shouldn’t have said”, “she should have done…”, because it already happened, it already IS. And yet, our standard mental and emotional functioning refuses WHAT IS, because we are attached to our very individual vision of “what should be”… and that is where all our emotional suffering comes from… It is perfectly fine to continue along this route; just it causes repetitive emotional turmoil and it undermines collective productivity.

Hence, is there a way out of this ever repeated “emotional dramas” of conflict, grudge, arguments and ego-fights at work? Well, here is one solution, probably the ONLY LASTING solutions that works: COMPLETE ACCEPTATION OF WHAT IS.

You might say “what?”!! Yes, exactly!! Complete ACCEPTATION is a precondition for appropriate action – certainly also in a business environment! Otherwise we REACT to situations, which then entail another REACTION (such as unfriendly and repetitive email exchange with too many spectators in cc…). The ping-pong has started… Behind all these reactions are (high) emotional tensions that guide our behavior. Instead of dealing with our emotions FIRST, and only THEN act – we often do the reverse…

So, what does ACCEPTATION really mean? Becoming a passive puppet that says “yes” to everything? Certainly not! It simply means “to fully see and accept what ALREADY is, BEFORE thinking of what can be done”. Acceptation does not merely mean mental acknowledgement, but full emotional acceptation. That’s where it becomes a bit tricky, as we are not used to neither recognize nor feel, name and even decode our emotional reactions. There is now way around: deal with them first, and only then facing the uncomfortable situation…

“Why should I accept his nasty comments?” Simply because, “what is the alternative anyway”? Holding a grudge, waiting for the next opportunity “to pay back”?  What an “excellent” way to weaken human organizations, jeopardizing productivity and put a strain on efficacy! What happened, has already happened, IT IS. So called “actions” carried out under an emotional intense burden are always “reactions” that will reinforce ping-pong situations, degrade communication, sabotage efficacy – hence are always non-productive!

Hence, understanding the potentially harmful undercurrent of undealt emotions in the workplace, dealing with one’s own emotions (feeling them consciously, being able to name them properly…) and the capability to see WHAT IS (i.e. the facts of THE world and not my projections, interpretations and unarticulated hopes of MY “dream”-world) are crucial in the business context!

PS: Maybe “giving the person a call instead of repetitive reminding by email”, “simply asking and verifying instead of assuming that…” or “sharing my expectations and hopes and exchanging with the other person what he/she is capable/willing to fulfill” are more appropriate and constructive actions then those mentioned earlier…

Based on ancient Indian texts (such as the Yoga Vasistha) and it’s interpretations by Swami Prajnanpad (1981-1974).

 ©The Vibrant Factory
About Stefan Lehner: Executive coach, Life coach, as well as nutrition coach & educator based in Paris, available worldwide. He previously worked in management in an international corporation. He loves to explore with the client his or her emotions, thoughts and limiting belief patterns, in order to shift towards a renewed outlook and jeopardizing his or her old certitudes. His credo in all coaching situations is empowerment and taking responsibility: become responsible for one owns choices, desires and acts. His book on nutritional transformation (in French) will be published in March 2019.
http://www.thevibrantfactory.com, on Facebook and Instagram

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